This is a verbose post.
Stolen quote.
Semi funny work story 1.
Call transcript 1.
Comments.
Pondering the future of mankind.
Semi funny work story 2.
Call transcripts 2-4.
Comments.
Finishing sentence.
Go away, I'm tired.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
I'm going to be rich and famous
After I invent a device that lets you stab people in the face across the Internet.
How was my work, you ask?
Fine.
No really, I totally didn't have mouth-breathing lobotomized cockroaches that couldn't see more than one step ahead.
No really, these people aren't stupid.
Or...
>TSG: Go to Start -> Control Panel -> Network Connections.
>Customer: So I click on "Start"?
>TSG: Yes.
>Customer: I don't see it.
- Or -
>TSG: Double-click on Local Area Connection, click the "Support" tab and read me the IP address.
>Customer: With the left or right button?
>TSG (borderline enraged): Left.
- Or-
I happened to dictate a URL that has 'a', 'e' and 'i' in it. The customer couldn't distinguish the letters apart. Since most keyboards here are multilingual, I managed to tell him the URL by telling him to push the keys letter by letter using a different language.
I had to take a chill pill after that call.
I also managed to raise the concerns for my mental health.
I think the part where I put him on mute and began swearing in 5 languages across the entire call center might've had something to do with that.
- Or -
I get a call from a returning customer. I check the documentation from the previous TSG and I see that he was instructed exactly how to handle error 789. You'll never guess what error he had.
That's right.
789.
This I don't get. You get a set of instructions a retarded lobotomized cockroach with Down's syndrome would get, yet you have to call again.
The next person to say "But it's easier to call" gets kicked in the nose. With an iron boot. You have instructions, use them. Hell, our site has the same frigging instructions to set up dialers and stuff we use.
But no, people keep clicking screenshots and think it's our fault. I had that numerous times. They just don't. Read. The. Huge. Ass. Text. I keep wondering what's going on in these people's brains.
>Customer's Brain: Hmmm, this is a huge text. Should I read it? Hell no! I'll call tech support since I'm too stupid to read! * dial our number *
>TSG: What does the text say?
>Customer: It's a bunch of letters.
>TSG: No shit sherlock. Read it to me.
>Customer: It's something about [this] and something about [that].
>TSG: Tell me exactly what it says.
How the hell am I magically supposed to know what's going on in their computers?
I bet you can imagine the calls:
>Customer: Hello, I have a problem.
>TSG: It's alright, I discovered its reasons, fixed it and ensured it'd never happen again.
See how disgusting it is?
Did the customer learn to properly give the needed information? No.
Did the customer learn to cope with disappointment? No.
Did the customer learn to handle adversity? No.
Did the customer learn to leave me the hell alone? No.
Case in point.
>TSG: You'll have to fix this problem with [their infrastructure provider]. Their number is [number].
>Customer: Can't you call them?
>TSG: No, we have over 9000 waiting calls and we have to serve every moron like you in turn.
>Customer: So I talk with them, then I call you guys again?
>TSG: No, I've already blacklisted your phone number and deleted you from our systems. Never call us again. In fact, disassemble your computer and set yourself on fire.
>Customer: Oh okay.
Repeat 50 times a day.
Did I mention I hate people?
Anyway, you know how everything just has to have a fancy retarded little nickname to it?
We have one of those. The company motto, for example.
Another example is this: Apparently, some people are too stupid to turn on their computers without calling tech support. So the team leaders decided to make an ingenious move. Designate a team to specifically handle customers who called the center more than 5 times during the month.
The team's name? Guess. These assholes named the team "Popular customers team".
After recovering from the heart attack, I had an epiphany. Designate a room in the call center with punching bags and dummies modeled after the most retarded customers we ever took care of.
It's name? "Stress relief room".
I think the CEO would be happy to give his room for this. I'm also sure the room would be 100% full 24/7. Regardless of size.
My superiors need to hear this suggestion immediately.
How was my work, you ask?
Fine.
No really, I totally didn't have mouth-breathing lobotomized cockroaches that couldn't see more than one step ahead.
No really, these people aren't stupid.
Or...
>TSG: Go to Start -> Control Panel -> Network Connections.
>Customer: So I click on "Start"?
>TSG: Yes.
>Customer: I don't see it.
- Or -
>TSG: Double-click on Local Area Connection, click the "Support" tab and read me the IP address.
>Customer: With the left or right button?
>TSG (borderline enraged): Left.
- Or-
I happened to dictate a URL that has 'a', 'e' and 'i' in it. The customer couldn't distinguish the letters apart. Since most keyboards here are multilingual, I managed to tell him the URL by telling him to push the keys letter by letter using a different language.
I had to take a chill pill after that call.
I also managed to raise the concerns for my mental health.
I think the part where I put him on mute and began swearing in 5 languages across the entire call center might've had something to do with that.
- Or -
I get a call from a returning customer. I check the documentation from the previous TSG and I see that he was instructed exactly how to handle error 789. You'll never guess what error he had.
That's right.
789.
This I don't get. You get a set of instructions a retarded lobotomized cockroach with Down's syndrome would get, yet you have to call again.
The next person to say "But it's easier to call" gets kicked in the nose. With an iron boot. You have instructions, use them. Hell, our site has the same frigging instructions to set up dialers and stuff we use.
But no, people keep clicking screenshots and think it's our fault. I had that numerous times. They just don't. Read. The. Huge. Ass. Text. I keep wondering what's going on in these people's brains.
>Customer's Brain: Hmmm, this is a huge text. Should I read it? Hell no! I'll call tech support since I'm too stupid to read! * dial our number *
>TSG: What does the text say?
>Customer: It's a bunch of letters.
>TSG: No shit sherlock. Read it to me.
>Customer: It's something about [this] and something about [that].
>TSG: Tell me exactly what it says.
How the hell am I magically supposed to know what's going on in their computers?
I bet you can imagine the calls:
>Customer: Hello, I have a problem.
>TSG: It's alright, I discovered its reasons, fixed it and ensured it'd never happen again.
See how disgusting it is?
Did the customer learn to properly give the needed information? No.
Did the customer learn to cope with disappointment? No.
Did the customer learn to handle adversity? No.
Did the customer learn to leave me the hell alone? No.
Case in point.
>TSG: You'll have to fix this problem with [their infrastructure provider]. Their number is [number].
>Customer: Can't you call them?
>TSG: No, we have over 9000 waiting calls and we have to serve every moron like you in turn.
>Customer: So I talk with them, then I call you guys again?
>TSG: No, I've already blacklisted your phone number and deleted you from our systems. Never call us again. In fact, disassemble your computer and set yourself on fire.
>Customer: Oh okay.
Repeat 50 times a day.
Did I mention I hate people?
Anyway, you know how everything just has to have a fancy retarded little nickname to it?
We have one of those. The company motto, for example.
Another example is this: Apparently, some people are too stupid to turn on their computers without calling tech support. So the team leaders decided to make an ingenious move. Designate a team to specifically handle customers who called the center more than 5 times during the month.
The team's name? Guess. These assholes named the team "Popular customers team".
After recovering from the heart attack, I had an epiphany. Designate a room in the call center with punching bags and dummies modeled after the most retarded customers we ever took care of.
It's name? "Stress relief room".
I think the CEO would be happy to give his room for this. I'm also sure the room would be 100% full 24/7. Regardless of size.
My superiors need to hear this suggestion immediately.
Monday, February 18, 2008
(Bad) Parenting, Morons and Miscellaneous
Seems to have gone downhill quite a lot recently.
Today's "BUT THINK OF THE CHILDREN" paradigm has put young impressionable children at a very delicate situation. Which is why people spend research funds on filtering algorithms so your teenage son might, God forbid, stumble across a porn site.
That's just stupid. When I was raised, there were none of those things. None of the content was filtered either. You wanted porn - just metacrawler it up (because Google didn't exist back then).
As for today's (and you, [future]) parents: Stop raising your children in an impregnable bubble! Experience is what makes us learn. It distinguishes us apart from animals and makes us who we are.
You're probably wondering: "What the hell is he on about? How is this related to his usual stuff?". The answer is simple.
We (the ISP) market things like that. Combine software that isn't "Next -> Next -> Next" (even though I had people ask me "Do I click on 'Next'?" when installing stuff) with the average customer's IQ and you get one of these gems:
>TSG: * Opening sentence I can't be arsed to repeat *
>Customer: Hello. I ordered some website filtering and wanted to see if it's active yet.
>TSG: Let me check.
I see her service is active.
>TSG: You're fine. "Inappropriate" content should be successfully blocked now. Try accessing one of those "inappropriate" sites.
>Customer: I'm at work and can't to it.
Imagine the tone of a snotty, condescending woman who thinks her crap money makes her the queen of the universe. It's a regularity here.
>TSG: Well, you have to be at a computer and logged on so you can see it. From here it all looks fine.
>Customer: I just want to filter out all porn sites.
30-something billion websites and she wants that? How about telling your kid: "Hey [name]. Going there is fine and natural. You just gotta use moderation. Too much is really bad for you." Let him experiment. That's the whole "experience" thing.
Then I had to explain her how to access her user panel and edit it if it requires any changes. She got upset because apparently, we're supposed to filter all (and I mean ALL) "inappropriate" content at people's whims. The usual "I'm not good with computers" crap pops up. I ponder the future of humanity.
That call ended pretty amicably. By "pretty" I mean I had to hit throw the headphone, hit the mute button and scream "That stupid cow" with a bunch of expletives across half the call center. Frustration and rage do that.
People were concerned. Mostly. Because they got used to one of the TSGs losing it every damn hour.
But it's not the fact that morons exist that bothers me. It's the fact that they statistically outnumber the more intelligent people. If this paradigm continues, we'll find ourselves in a world full of idiots one day. The movie Idiocracy sums up the idea quite well.
But I'm rambling too much, back to the point.
The usual "I have no internet", "I seem connected but Internet won't let me internet" or the ever-lovable "Is there a problem with your Internet now?"/"Is this internet? I have no internet" call.
90% of them caused by customer stupidity. Like trying to disconnect from a bridge mode modem, right-clicking their network connection and disabling it instead. Yet they expect me to dig their shit up.
[The next person to say "It's your job" gets stabbed in the face. My job is to play Bubbles or some puzzle games. Solve your own damn problems. I did, why can't you? Yes, when I had a problem I identified it, traced its source and ensured it'd never happen again. I only called people when the problem wasn't in my control, like desynchronizing modems.]
But no, we're supposed to help people who can't tell a dialer apart from their assholes. The guys over at the marketing and system departments aren't helping at all.
For instance, we had a system upgrade to remove error 691 from our systems. The replacement turned out to be a sticky page that says in the clearest language possible: "Your username or password are wrong."; It also shows a nice screenshot of the dialer with instructions a retarded lobotomized cockroach would get.
You know how many calls we got rid of thanks to that?
Zero.
Instead of "The internet won't let me have internet" calls I get:
>Customer: I have internet but there's no internet in my internet.
This might have been paraphrased. As my other sentences but those were my thoughts.
>TSG: Wow.
>TSG: That's really touching.
>TSG: I wonder who'll play you in the movie.
>Customer: I want you to help me.
>TSG: I don't. With that much information I'm more likely to hang up on you and go something productive like masturbating. How about telling me exactly what you're doing and its results?
>Customer: Well, I open up the internet and it won't let me surf.
>TSG: See? That wasn't so hard. You don't sound like a starfish with down's syndrome now. What's the result?
>Customer: It says something about my username or password being wrong.
Quick check in the logs will either show nothing (Wrong username) or "Failed reason: Bad password" (if you can't figure this one out, GTFO of my Internet).
>TSG: Then it's highly likely your username or password are wrong.
Then I usually run an identity check and give them their extremely simple passwords. But every once in a while, some moron tries to input their username and password in the screenshot of the dialer and complain it's not working.
Then I had an epiphany: Changing the sticky page to huge flashing red text with max volume sound playing "Your username or password are wrong!" indefinitely. That ought to do the trick, right?
...
Right?
* 50 retarded calls later*
Can't wait to be a senior.
Today's "BUT THINK OF THE CHILDREN" paradigm has put young impressionable children at a very delicate situation. Which is why people spend research funds on filtering algorithms so your teenage son might, God forbid, stumble across a porn site.
That's just stupid. When I was raised, there were none of those things. None of the content was filtered either. You wanted porn - just metacrawler it up (because Google didn't exist back then).
As for today's (and you, [future]) parents: Stop raising your children in an impregnable bubble! Experience is what makes us learn. It distinguishes us apart from animals and makes us who we are.
You're probably wondering: "What the hell is he on about? How is this related to his usual stuff?". The answer is simple.
We (the ISP) market things like that. Combine software that isn't "Next -> Next -> Next" (even though I had people ask me "Do I click on 'Next'?" when installing stuff) with the average customer's IQ and you get one of these gems:
>TSG: * Opening sentence I can't be arsed to repeat *
>Customer: Hello. I ordered some website filtering and wanted to see if it's active yet.
>TSG: Let me check.
I see her service is active.
>TSG: You're fine. "Inappropriate" content should be successfully blocked now. Try accessing one of those "inappropriate" sites.
>Customer: I'm at work and can't to it.
Imagine the tone of a snotty, condescending woman who thinks her crap money makes her the queen of the universe. It's a regularity here.
>TSG: Well, you have to be at a computer and logged on so you can see it. From here it all looks fine.
>Customer: I just want to filter out all porn sites.
30-something billion websites and she wants that? How about telling your kid: "Hey [name]. Going there is fine and natural. You just gotta use moderation. Too much is really bad for you." Let him experiment. That's the whole "experience" thing.
Then I had to explain her how to access her user panel and edit it if it requires any changes. She got upset because apparently, we're supposed to filter all (and I mean ALL) "inappropriate" content at people's whims. The usual "I'm not good with computers" crap pops up. I ponder the future of humanity.
That call ended pretty amicably. By "pretty" I mean I had to hit throw the headphone, hit the mute button and scream "That stupid cow" with a bunch of expletives across half the call center. Frustration and rage do that.
People were concerned. Mostly. Because they got used to one of the TSGs losing it every damn hour.
But it's not the fact that morons exist that bothers me. It's the fact that they statistically outnumber the more intelligent people. If this paradigm continues, we'll find ourselves in a world full of idiots one day. The movie Idiocracy sums up the idea quite well.
But I'm rambling too much, back to the point.
The usual "I have no internet", "I seem connected but Internet won't let me internet" or the ever-lovable "Is there a problem with your Internet now?"/"Is this internet? I have no internet" call.
90% of them caused by customer stupidity. Like trying to disconnect from a bridge mode modem, right-clicking their network connection and disabling it instead. Yet they expect me to dig their shit up.
[The next person to say "It's your job" gets stabbed in the face. My job is to play Bubbles or some puzzle games. Solve your own damn problems. I did, why can't you? Yes, when I had a problem I identified it, traced its source and ensured it'd never happen again. I only called people when the problem wasn't in my control, like desynchronizing modems.]
But no, we're supposed to help people who can't tell a dialer apart from their assholes. The guys over at the marketing and system departments aren't helping at all.
For instance, we had a system upgrade to remove error 691 from our systems. The replacement turned out to be a sticky page that says in the clearest language possible: "Your username or password are wrong."; It also shows a nice screenshot of the dialer with instructions a retarded lobotomized cockroach would get.
You know how many calls we got rid of thanks to that?
Zero.
Instead of "The internet won't let me have internet" calls I get:
>Customer: I have internet but there's no internet in my internet.
This might have been paraphrased. As my other sentences but those were my thoughts.
>TSG: Wow.
>TSG: That's really touching.
>TSG: I wonder who'll play you in the movie.
>Customer: I want you to help me.
>TSG: I don't. With that much information I'm more likely to hang up on you and go something productive like masturbating. How about telling me exactly what you're doing and its results?
>Customer: Well, I open up the internet and it won't let me surf.
>TSG: See? That wasn't so hard. You don't sound like a starfish with down's syndrome now. What's the result?
>Customer: It says something about my username or password being wrong.
Quick check in the logs will either show nothing (Wrong username) or "Failed reason: Bad password" (if you can't figure this one out, GTFO of my Internet).
>TSG: Then it's highly likely your username or password are wrong.
Then I usually run an identity check and give them their extremely simple passwords. But every once in a while, some moron tries to input their username and password in the screenshot of the dialer and complain it's not working.
Then I had an epiphany: Changing the sticky page to huge flashing red text with max volume sound playing "Your username or password are wrong!" indefinitely. That ought to do the trick, right?
...
Right?
* 50 retarded calls later*
Can't wait to be a senior.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Crap
Just like "love", it has many meanings.
It could mean the update schedule for Tech Support.
It could mean the state of the world.
For me, it means the way we're treated. Apparently, the morons at marketing got the customers used to the following: "If you yell hard enough and long enough, they will give you anything you want".
That could not be farther from the truth. In fact, don't ever yell at TSGs. It will only make us want to "accidentally" disconnect from the work terminal.
Remember, most (all) of us don't give a flying fuck about your measly problems. So keep crying about your "Limited or no connectivity" on your WLAN or how your router is causing you slowness, because we really don't care.
Even if we did, company policy says not to touch it with an 80-foot pole. We even have a nice disclaimer on the site, yet people actually think that:
Well, I lied about point 11, but that's just as stupid. Let's go point by point and see how stupid it really is.
Which pretty much sums up the average customer's IQ. But since I'm the nicest and most altruistic person on Earth, I want to make your time calling us a little better.
So here's a guide, when calling Tech Support (not necessarily me) to make a TSG less hostile to you:
I hate people.
>TSG: [ISP name here] at your service, TSG speaking.
>Customer: Leave a message to Customer Service to call me tomorrow.
>TSG: Can't do that.
>Customer: Then tell your shift manager to.
>TSG: Neither can he, call them yourself.
This is the time they get enraged and yell at me because some department opened an ADSL package when they have cable infrastructure. As if it's my fault.
Treat TSGs better, people. We're here to solve your problems. The least we want is some appreciation.
It could mean the update schedule for Tech Support.
It could mean the state of the world.
For me, it means the way we're treated. Apparently, the morons at marketing got the customers used to the following: "If you yell hard enough and long enough, they will give you anything you want".
That could not be farther from the truth. In fact, don't ever yell at TSGs. It will only make us want to "accidentally" disconnect from the work terminal.
Remember, most (all) of us don't give a flying fuck about your measly problems. So keep crying about your "Limited or no connectivity" on your WLAN or how your router is causing you slowness, because we really don't care.
Even if we did, company policy says not to touch it with an 80-foot pole. We even have a nice disclaimer on the site, yet people actually think that:
- I can see their desktops when configuring their dialers.
- I know their homepage.
- I know their bank's username/password.
- I can come over their house hundreds of miles from the call center to plug in their modem.
- The shift manager will come over to their workplace to fix their Outlook.
- I know how, not speaking of allowed to, access their router and configure it.
- Our speed tests shouldn't be trusted even when I tested them on the infrastructure level and got maximum speed.
- Every problem they encounter is our fault.
- The word "Reimbursement".
- They deserve anything.
- I have influence or control over the waiting times.
- I can hop into the DNS server and reroute them to reduce their pings to BDSM porn sites.
- Low-sodium salt is real.
- Swearing over the phone.
- People who call me from their cars/workplaces and think I can solve their problems.
Well, I lied about point 11, but that's just as stupid. Let's go point by point and see how stupid it really is.
- Retarded. They're not even connected.
- Moronic, yet I had a customer ask me the following: "When I used to open up some Internet, something used to go up, but now it doesn't. Why?".
- About as informative as a retarded sea cucumber on crystal meth.
- I still don't know or care about their problems.
- Because I obviously monitor your computer and can track changes to your homepage.
- Because I'd rather hijack your homepage than play Bubbles or 3dLogic.
- This is related to us because...? The customer was surfing fine (that's where our treatment of problems ends) but he gets a "Bad username/password" error when logging his bank site. Seriously.
- I've been yelled at because I asked them to plug in their bloody modems. A female customer got PMS on the spot and began screaming hysterically: "I'm not an electrician! How the hell am I supposed to know which cable goes where? You come over and fix it for me because I'm paying for this shit!"
- "I'm paying" doesn't mean you're the queen of the world. Drama queen maybe, but you get exactly what you pay for. We won't go bankrupt over your pathetic money.
- Don't ever dare to scream at us. Do I have to say we have the right to deny service to anyone whose behavior is intolerable?
- Every modem has 3 ports. Their jacks are different. Figure it out, morons. I've had customers try to plug in a phone cable into an Ethernet port and vice-versa.
- I've had it happen on a recent shift. Yes, we had problems with the mail server. Have to send an email NOW? Use gmail, retard. The shift managers are busy enough as it is: Yelling at us, talking with the guys with Customer Service, figuring out recurrent problems, talking over with the system guys if a server crashed, etc... They are indeed too busy for you. That's why we and the STSGs are there.
- Can't touch it with an 80-foot pole even if I know it inside out. Company policy, not me. Don't like it? Cry me a river, build me a bridge and get over it. It's YOUR router, not us.
- I covered it before, but another moron had to ask me that question. Well, if you don't trust us, off with you. Less retards to deal with. That was AFTER I tested his speed over the coaxial cable level, i.e. as lowest as you can get. I told him he's fine, but he kept insisting that some completely unrelated test said otherwise, therefore the problem is on our side. Even after I proved mathematically that his speed is indeed the maximum he can get for the deal he signed up for.
- People, get it through your thick skulls: Even though we're not infallible (as evident by the last few weeks), statistically 90% of the problems are your fault. From poorly-configured dialers, outlook accounts to additional services we provide, very rarely the problem is on our side. When it is, we take steps to ensure it doesn't happen again.
- Customer Service is over there. I just don't care.
- "I deserve" triggers my moron alarm. You call for help, you don't deserve it. In fact, I'd rather play Bubbles than take your call in the first place.
- When waiting times are high, we keep getting bitched at constantly. PLEASE. Don't vent your frustration on us. We know about them better than you, we have them updated in real-time. At least appreciate we took your call instead. When your opening line is "Why, thank you for responding in the first place, I've been waiting for so-and-so" in a condescending tone, I don't feel like helping you. I'd rather transfer you back to the queue so you wait some more. If you have to mention "wait times", say "Thanks for taking my call TSG, you guys must be quite busy down there". I'll be way more amicable with you, really.
- You probably shouldn't be watching that in the first place. The only thing I can and will do is reroute you to an alternate DNS server.
- That's just stupid. Salt. NaCl. Curiosity got the best of me and I found out that they put in KCl (Potassium Chloride) instead of ~6% of sodium chloride. KCl is used in lethal injections. Do your own math.
- Don't. The "hang up" button is really close to me. I don't give a crap about your bad day or how you can't send your baby photos. It doesn't justify swearing at me or wishing the company go bankrupt.
- Your presence at the computer is required. Period. Whether it's pinging our DNSs, configuring your email, you have to be there. End of story.
Which pretty much sums up the average customer's IQ. But since I'm the nicest and most altruistic person on Earth, I want to make your time calling us a little better.
So here's a guide, when calling Tech Support (not necessarily me) to make a TSG less hostile to you:
- Know your problem ahead. Saying "Hello, I have a problem" isn't making the call go anywhere. You have a problem, no shit sherlock. Isn't it why you called us in the first place? It will also piss me off and make me think you're retarded. You probably are, but at least TRY not to make yourself one on your opening line.
- When we need to know your modem, don't tell us the logo written on it. Neither is saying "Your modem" because we don't market modems. Try seeing what's WRITTEN on it and infer its model. It's not that hard, I promise.
- Your username. Know it. It's your unique identifier and makes my time a lot easier. Being connected through MPLS or a router is not an excuse not to remember them.
- Our system can recognize you using your caller ID. It's preferred you call from your account's registered phone number and/or don't mask your call ID.
- If you need your username/password, have means of identification readily available.
- Appreciate the fact I took my precious time from playing Bubbles to take your call. Never bitch at me.
- If I can't solve your problem, it's probably not my fault in the first place. I have very few things under control, so your threats to send complaint letters when your WLAN isn't connected won't do jack shit. Don't whine about poor service.
- Our department only handles browsing, email and additional products. We don't do crap if your ICQ/Messenger isn't working or if your emule download speeds are slow. For obvious reasons.
- Don't ever confuse us with our parent company. They handle ADSL infrastructure. We are the ISP. Our phone numbers are different. Have a problem with them? Call them, not us. Your modem can't synchronize? You're trying to connect to their internal network and get error 691? Call them.
I hate people.
>TSG: [ISP name here] at your service, TSG speaking.
>Customer: Leave a message to Customer Service to call me tomorrow.
>TSG: Can't do that.
>Customer: Then tell your shift manager to.
>TSG: Neither can he, call them yourself.
This is the time they get enraged and yell at me because some department opened an ADSL package when they have cable infrastructure. As if it's my fault.
Treat TSGs better, people. We're here to solve your problems. The least we want is some appreciation.
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