(Bad) Parenting, Morons and Miscellaneous

Seems to have gone downhill quite a lot recently.

Today's "BUT THINK OF THE CHILDREN" paradigm has put young impressionable children at a very delicate situation. Which is why people spend research funds on filtering algorithms so your teenage son might, God forbid, stumble across a porn site.

That's just stupid. When I was raised, there were none of those things. None of the content was filtered either. You wanted porn - just metacrawler it up (because Google didn't exist back then).

As for today's (and you, [future]) parents: Stop raising your children in an impregnable bubble! Experience is what makes us learn. It distinguishes us apart from animals and makes us who we are.

You're probably wondering: "What the hell is he on about? How is this related to his usual stuff?". The answer is simple.

We (the ISP) market things like that. Combine software that isn't "Next -> Next -> Next" (even though I had people ask me "Do I click on 'Next'?" when installing stuff) with the average customer's IQ and you get one of these gems:

>TSG: * Opening sentence I can't be arsed to repeat *
>Customer: Hello. I ordered some website filtering and wanted to see if it's active yet.
>TSG: Let me check.

I see her service is active.

>TSG: You're fine. "Inappropriate" content should be successfully blocked now. Try accessing one of those "inappropriate" sites.
>Customer: I'm at work and can't to it.

Imagine the tone of a snotty, condescending woman who thinks her crap money makes her the queen of the universe. It's a regularity here.

>TSG: Well, you have to be at a computer and logged on so you can see it. From here it all looks fine.
>Customer: I just want to filter out all porn sites.

30-something billion websites and she wants that? How about telling your kid: "Hey [name]. Going there is fine and natural. You just gotta use moderation. Too much is really bad for you." Let him experiment. That's the whole "experience" thing.

Then I had to explain her how to access her user panel and edit it if it requires any changes. She got upset because apparently, we're supposed to filter all (and I mean ALL) "inappropriate" content at people's whims. The usual "I'm not good with computers" crap pops up. I ponder the future of humanity.

That call ended pretty amicably. By "pretty" I mean I had to hit throw the headphone, hit the mute button and scream "That stupid cow" with a bunch of expletives across half the call center. Frustration and rage do that.

People were concerned. Mostly. Because they got used to one of the TSGs losing it every damn hour.

But it's not the fact that morons exist that bothers me. It's the fact that they statistically outnumber the more intelligent people. If this paradigm continues, we'll find ourselves in a world full of idiots one day. The movie Idiocracy sums up the idea quite well.

But I'm rambling too much, back to the point.

The usual "I have no internet", "I seem connected but Internet won't let me internet" or the ever-lovable "Is there a problem with your Internet now?"/"Is this internet? I have no internet" call.

90% of them caused by customer stupidity. Like trying to disconnect from a bridge mode modem, right-clicking their network connection and disabling it instead. Yet they expect me to dig their shit up.

[The next person to say "It's your job" gets stabbed in the face. My job is to play Bubbles or some puzzle games. Solve your own damn problems. I did, why can't you? Yes, when I had a problem I identified it, traced its source and ensured it'd never happen again. I only called people when the problem wasn't in my control, like desynchronizing modems.]

But no, we're supposed to help people who can't tell a dialer apart from their assholes. The guys over at the marketing and system departments aren't helping at all.

For instance, we had a system upgrade to remove error 691 from our systems. The replacement turned out to be a sticky page that says in the clearest language possible: "Your username or password are wrong."; It also shows a nice screenshot of the dialer with instructions a retarded lobotomized cockroach would get.

You know how many calls we got rid of thanks to that?

Zero.

Instead of "The internet won't let me have internet" calls I get:

>Customer: I have internet but there's no internet in my internet.

This might have been paraphrased. As my other sentences but those were my thoughts.

>TSG: Wow.
>TSG: That's really touching.
>TSG: I wonder who'll play you in the movie.
>Customer: I want you to help me.
>TSG: I don't. With that much information I'm more likely to hang up on you and go something productive like masturbating. How about telling me exactly what you're doing and its results?
>Customer: Well, I open up the internet and it won't let me surf.
>TSG: See? That wasn't so hard. You don't sound like a starfish with down's syndrome now. What's the result?
>Customer: It says something about my username or password being wrong.

Quick check in the logs will either show nothing (Wrong username) or "Failed reason: Bad password" (if you can't figure this one out, GTFO of my Internet).

>TSG: Then it's highly likely your username or password are wrong.

Then I usually run an identity check and give them their extremely simple passwords. But every once in a while, some moron tries to input their username and password in the screenshot of the dialer and complain it's not working.

Then I had an epiphany: Changing the sticky page to huge flashing red text with max volume sound playing "Your username or password are wrong!" indefinitely. That ought to do the trick, right?

...

Right?

* 50 retarded calls later*

Can't wait to be a senior.