Greed, among other human qualities

Is a bad, bad thing.

I don't know what's going on in people's brains or about the prevalent "I deserve" mentality here.

Take our department for example. The service provided is a toll-free call. That means it's free.

You don't deserve tech support, the company was gracious enough to bestow it upon you. That is, build call centers, recruit proper people, equip us with gear, train us to deal with morons and pay us shitty salary to deal with said morons.

Not to mention planning all of it in the first place. Or setting up toll-free numbers, queue systems, monitoring systems, logs, supervisors. The list is long.

If it were up to me, you'd be solving your own damn problems.

Some of you might not have been reading this in that case.

Which is a good thing.

So, I'm in a state of shock after another retarded call, and...

* ring *
You are afflicted by Abysmal Mood.

>TSG: [ISP name] at your service, TSG speaking.
>Customer: Good [time of day] TSG. I was wondering, I recently switched from [infrastructure]
to [other infrastructure] and I didn't get a gift when I switched.

You are afflicted by Infectious Stupidity.

>TSG: And this is related to tech support because...?

That last sentence was slightly paraphrased.

>Customer: Well, my ninth-degree cousin's daughter's nephew's grandfather got [shitty gift] when HE switched and I was wondering why I didn't do the same.

>TSG [to himself while keeping moron on hold]: Please, make the "cancel" button work. For the love of anything that's holy to you.

You do not have sufficient privileges to access this command.
You are afflicted by Homicidal Tendencies.

>TSG: Then you'll have to figure it out with our [other department here].
>Customer: They had long waiting times so I thought you could help me.

I don't think I've ever transferred someone faster than this. Then I began thinking how people like this are allowed anywhere near a computer.

You know how every department deals with a specific issue? We solve Internet-related problems.

Others deal with retards not paying in time, explaining retards why they paid exactly as the deal said, making sure retards won't cancel their subscriptions, etc...

How on earth can you expect me to do something I don't even have access to?

I'm here to "Fix your internet".

Ironically, only once the problem did really stem from us.

Quick glance,...

Calls waiting: 79
Oldest call waiting: 14:34

You are afflicted by No Breaks For Thirty Minutes.
You gain Enrage.

>Shift Manager (over PA): Okay guys, we're declaring a systematic failure status. One of our servers crashed, so we're not dealing with anything now, regardless of anything.

Your Enrage was dispelled by Shift Manager.
Shift Manager casts Glee on Call Center.
You gain Glee(50).

I think I could hear 150 voices cheering "YES!" at the same second.

So we got back to our posts and went to work. The customers went down like flies.

>TSG: [ISP name] at your service, TSG speaking. We currently have a systematic failure and are unable to deal with any issues. This failure is currently affecting all customers. Please try again later.

Repeat forty times over the course of 10 minutes. I've never experienced a longer lasting Glee yet. That pretty much ended my shift there.

It was actually better than usual. I didn't have to put up with these morons for more than it was necessary to spew out what I needed to say and hit the "Hang up" button.



Anyway, people have been asking me why I think "I have no internet" is retarded.

"Stupid questions demand stupid answers", so in case I haven't been clear about it...

When someone says they "have no internet", it's retarded because:

1. They're not helping me diagnose the problem at all.
2. They sound like they don't know even the most basic crap of computing.
3. They're contributing nothing to the call.
4. You are afflicted by Facepalm.
5. I have to interrogate them further just to get SOME information to work with.
6. They're trying to sound like they have a clue, which they don't in 99.99% of the cases.
   

I mean it. There are too many factors that inhibit a connection.

Did their modem fail to synchronize? Are they typing in their username/password wrong? Are they even connecting to us? Is their IE (mostly) in offline mode? Is their network card disabled or even installed?

Or,...

Is the caller a mouth-breathing moron that needs to have a restraining order from computers?

...

Mostly it's the latter.

* ring *

>TSG: [ISP name] at your service, TSG speaking.
>Customer: Uh, hello. I have no internet.
>Customer: ...
>Customer: ...
>Customer: ...

He literally didn't say anything after the first sentences.

Damn it, I hate people so much.